yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
