wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
