apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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