Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
