I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
