her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
