We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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