did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
