So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
