He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
