absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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