This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
