He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we made out on top of his cat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
