It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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