I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i now understand why vodka
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
