So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
