theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
