i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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