The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
