This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
