just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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