i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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