My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
