Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
