Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
