He had one of those small greek statue penises
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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