My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
