Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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