The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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