So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
