I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
