GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
