Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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