You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
