New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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