Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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