last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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