Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
