dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
