So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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