I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
