I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
