that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
