If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
