think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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