you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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