This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
