is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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