So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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