She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
