I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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