One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
