My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
