You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
