dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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