I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we made out on top of his cat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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