im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
